Damien The Update Wizard 2

Damien the Update Wizard and the Chamber of Secrets

Week Seven, Day Five into the Facebook War, and Damien was losing. Despite all his tricks, Seth was able to gain more support from his peers, who now grew in number day by day. Conversely, Damien's friends were starting to abandon him, or at least, chose to ignore his statuses. Growing desperate, Damien decided to employ his final tactic. He would post a song lyric. Now this was a risky gambit; if he chose the wrong lyric he could get comical responses, or people stating their love of the song. And if he chose an older song some people might not understand or have heard of it. So he had to choose one filled with raw emotion, but be a contemporary hit. Trawling through his music list, he struggled to find a suitable song. And every second he wasted, Seth was gaining power. At the dead of night though, Damien laughed heartily; He'd found it.

Seth awoke the next morning under his Star Wars bed-sheets grinning; today, he would destroy Damien once and for all. He'd been cooking up a story all week, one that would end the war in one swift update. Bounding to his computer, he logged on with glee...and what he was met with shocked him to the core. That son of a bitch Damien had posted a lyric status. And there were over SIXTY replies. Seth took a closer look at the status:
"You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why"
KEANE! The clever bastard! Seth knew Damien was desperate but he didn't thing he had the balls to try a risk like this; a risk that seemed to be paying off. Everywhere he looked well-wishers and kind-hearted souls had united in cheering Damien up:
"ohI loooove tht song sooo muchxxxx!"
"not everybodys changing hun im still the samexxx!"
"thts sooo sweet lucy should have stayed with you sweetheartxx<3!"
Incredulity spread throughout Seth, who couldn't believe Damien's luck. There was nothing for it now; if he was to win the war, he had to activate his secret weapon, the ultimate status. He sat down and began to type.

Damien watched as his minions returned to him, and laughed. There was no way Seth could recover from this. All he would have to do now is continue with his usual game plan and Seth would be defeated in no time. So much for the 'Status Sorcerer'! Switching to Live Feed, Damien glanced at the other people's activities for a moment, but then jumped out of his seat in horror. Slowly, carefully, he edged towards the monitor and took a look. Seth had posted. It simply read: "I wish I was dead right now ;__;"
It was a suicide status! Damien couldn't believe it. Seth had done it. He had created the ultimate self-pity status update. Damien watched the replies come flooding in; an hour went by, then another, then another. Soon, Seth had accumulated over two-hundred posts. A single tear fell from Damien's cheek onto his Scott Pilgrim t-shirt from Hot Topic. He had lost. There was no way he could defeat Seth now. With a heavy heart, he Instant Messaged him just two words: "You Win". Sighing, he went to the bathroom.

When the police burst into his room at the behest of his hysterical mother they were greeted with a grisly sight; there, laying in the bath, coated in blood, was the body of Damien; his wrists cut, his eyes glanced upwards at the wall. On the wall, smeared with his blood, were his final words.

"FML".